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Gato perdido.

Isto e' quase tao bom quanto o emails from an asshole!
Lindo. Ri-me à grande ;Smile
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Já não me ria assim há algum tempo. Fabuloso!
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Isto e' do mesmo tipo que fez o desenho da aranha para pagar o que devia ao banco! Nao sabia disso, julgava que tinha sido o "emails from an asshole". Hum...

Citar:Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing.
I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night.

Citar:Regardless, I have, as requested, attached a logo that represents not only the peer to peer networking project you are currently working on, but working with you in general.

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(27-06-2010, 15:30)Cobaia Escreveu: Isto e' do mesmo tipo que fez o desenho da aranha para pagar o que devia ao banco! Nao sabia disso, julgava que tinha sido o "emails from an asshole". Hum...

Desenho da aranha? E-mails from an asshole? Cadê isso? É que este do gato está mesmo brilhante.
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É o David Thorne
Faz muitas destas coisas

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything
(27-06-2010, 16:03)Rufferto Escreveu: Desenho da aranha? E-mails from an asshole? Cadê isso? É que este do gato está mesmo brilhante.

E' um cla'ssico!

Genial! Ri-me imenso (o klawfive deve ter acordado e tudo :p) fantástico, mesmo! O da já conhecida aranha também é de génio

Original ad:
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.



From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:


It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:
[Imagem: crib1.jpg]

I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.
[Imagem: crib2.jpg]
It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.



From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:


Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.


From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:


I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:
[Imagem: crib3.jpg]
Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.


De todos os fóruns que conheço, este é um deles.
Ah, nada como começar o dia a chorar de tanto rir. Smile
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Ja' escreveu mais um!

lindo Smile Desta vez ele queixou-se à grande!
O "E-mails from an asshole" também tem um novo:

My New Jogging Partner
Posted at: 2011-01-03 21:06:38 | 247 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
i want to get back into shape and am looking for a jogging partner. i always run better if i can keep the pace with someone else as i am sure other fellow runners know. i only work afternoons so i can run during the morning or night, doesnt matter much to me. shoot me an email if you want to be running partners

From Me to *************@*******.org:

Dear New Running Partner,

Hello! My name is Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo, but my friends call me Wuemeka. I have just moved to Philadelphia from Kenya and I too am looking for a running partner. I run for twelve miles every morning, and another eight at night. I now run a 4 minute mile. I know this is slow, but no worry, I am aiming to run a 3:50 mile by next month. I most look forward to running with you, my new friend! Please respond with your contact information and where you would like to run. I am not so acquainted with Philadelphia, but I would prefer to run in densely forested areas if you know of any.

Run with you soon,


From Steve ***** to Me:

wow man are you for real? theres no frickin way i can run a 4 minute mile!!!!!!!

From Me to Steve *****::

Dear Steve,

I am sorry to hear you cannot run a 4 minute mile. I can slow down my pace if you would like. How does a 4 minute 30 second mile sound?

Warm regards,


From Steve ***** to Me:

HAH! dude i can run a 9 minute mile on a good day. thats it. im not training for the freaking olympics here...

From Me to Steve *****::

Nine minutes? Why are you so slow, friend? Nine minutes! Man oh man, is that slow! In my country, you would not survive! You would be eaten by a lion or speared by a rhino! I am very sorry for you my friend. You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah!

Good day to you,


From Steve ***** to Me:

yeah well this isnt africa this is PHILLY. we have crackheads here, not rhinos or cheetahs or elephants and we sure as shit dont have rainforests. come on man are you stupid?

From Me to Steve *****::

I am not stupid, you are the stupid one my friend! We will see who is the stupid one when you are being chased by a lion! We have a word for fools like you in Kenya - KUMAMAKO!

From Steve ***** to Me:

leave me the fuck alone jumanji!

E este também está lindo! Ri-me imenso Biggrin

Rude Phone Salesman
Posted at: 2010-12-05 23:25:01 | 298 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
White iPhone 3G network 16 gig for sale - great condition comes with usb/home charger and screen protection case. $350 *******@gmail.com

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 6 9:38 PM):


Is your iPhone still available?


From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:24 AM):


From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:25 AM):

What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have any idea what time it is?

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:29 AM):

uh...its like 3:30. whats the problem?

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:34 AM):

Yeah, 3:30 in the morning, prick! Both my wife and I have to get up for work at 6 and you just woke us up. My wife suffers from sleep anxiety and probably won't be able to fall back asleep. Couldn't this have waited until the morning?

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:37 AM):

how is that my fault? its not like i called you. i just got home from the bar and saw your email so i responded. its email...who cares what time it is? how could that wake you up?

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:42 AM):

Oh, so in your drunken stupor you decided it would be a good idea to wake up my entire family at 3:30 in the morning? I have my computer hooked up to a 7.1 surround sound system, and Outlook plays a sound every time I receive an e-mail. It damn near rattled the house when you sent it. You woke up our three month old baby and now he is crying.

I have a meeting with some big-time clients today, and now I am going to be falling asleep in the meeting. Thanks a lot, douchebag.

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:44 AM):

hey look faggot its not my fucking fault you leave your computer on loud as fuck in the middle of the night. you must be real fuckin dumb. you have a baby and a wife with sleep problems and you think that is a good idea? fuck you guy

From Me to *******@gmail.com (Dec 7 3:48 AM):

I don't like your attitude, pal. First you wake up my entire family, and now you curse me out? This is unacceptable. By the way, my wife was so distraught from you waking her up that she accidentally microwaved our baby's milk too long. The baby was scalded with burning hot milk, and now we have to go to the hospital. I hope you are happy with yourself. Is this how you normally sell iPhones on the internet?

From *******@gmail.com to Me (Dec 7 3:55 AM):

yes, i always sell phones by waking up idiot families and burning babies with milk...NO

boy are you fucking retarded! fyi this is the first and last time i will ever try selling something online, now i know why peope dont use this shit- because only RETARDS use it!
De todos os fóruns que conheço, este é um deles.
Tenho continuado a acompanhar o E-mails from an Asshole, mas realmente é pena que haja tão poucos posts. Quando vocês me falaram disso eu fui lá e havia montes antigos para ver, mas agora é preciso esperar buérérés entre cada um.

PS - Revi agora aquilo do gato, e voltei a chorar a rir. Está genial do princípio ao fim.
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Ah... Ele tem um livro:
Não pode ser mau. Smile
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Awesome!! Onde é que posso sacar? Biggrin

Excerpts From
Justin Bieber's Book

“People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you never write back.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,’ you know? And it changes their life. I try to read all of my fan mail. A lot of them send me candy, which I'm not allowed to eat 'cause my mom says it might be poisonous."

"Usher rang me and was like 'Hey bro what you doing?' and I was like 'nothing bro, what you doing?' and he was like 'cutting some tracks, do you want to come over bro?' so my mum dropped me off at his house and we took ecstacy and watched the movie White Chicks."

"At 9am each day, I have a fresh puppy delivered to my hotel room and I kick it."

"I have a conjoined twin on my stomach. Identical to me in every way, except for only being eight inches tall, his name is Carl. Sometimes, I cover Carl with a hanky. Everyone needs a little time to themselves. Like when I am having a bath or watching women's tennis."

"I don't know what I would be doing if I wasn't a famous singer. I would probably be a male model. I have experience. When I was younger, I often stayed with my uncle Trevor and he would give me twenty dollars to run through the sprinkler while he took photos for his website."

"I once stabbed a prostitute to death."

eu tenho de comprar isto Smile

eu queria comprar Sad

Na amazon: "Currently unavailable.
We don't know when or if this item will be back in stock."

Na amazon.com existe para pré-encomenda. Diz que sai a 28 de Abril Smile
De todos os fóruns que conheço, este é um deles.
Fuck off back to Austria. Smile
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